


this is a gays only event, go home!

by lavenderbluud



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alive Georgie Denbrough, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Bisexual Ben Hanscom, Bisexual Mike Hanlon, Bisexual Richie Tozier, Buzzfeed Unsolved References, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Everybody is soft, Fluff and Humor, Gay Bill Denbrough, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Stanley Uris, Jewish Richie Tozier, Lesbian Beverly Marsh, M/M, Multi, Richie Tozier & Stanley Uris Are Best Friends, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Tiny Angst, Vaping, it’s cute okay, smoking weed, this probably isn’t as funny as I wish it was
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2020-12-01 21:14:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20901203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavenderbluud/pseuds/lavenderbluud
Summary: eddie’s baby: cant we just,,,shoplift the doughThe Sweet Man: no!!twitter stan: Yeah, sure.papa michael: the duality of maneddie’s baby: when stan said ‘be gay do crime’ i felt that[eddie’s baby changed twitter stan’s name to chaotic neutral]losers club group chat fic >:) none of them r straight and they're all chaotic please enjoy!





	1. welcome to t-t-t-target!

**Author's Note:**

> hey!!! so uhhh i rlly wanted to make one of these bc i love reading them sm and this kinda sucks but i will try and improve!! please let me know what u think! :)
> 
> big blue bills in the bank: bill  
rich boy check: richie  
twitter stan: stan  
(wheeze): eddie  
lesbian supreme: bev  
resident farmer: mike  
ben 10: ben

[loserz! 2:43 am]

big blue bills in the bank: ladies and gentlemen welcome to

big blue bills in the bank: t-t-t-target!!!

rich boy check: never in my life have i been more proud 

[rich boy check changed the chat name to ‘t-t-t-target!]

big blue bills in the bank: finally, sum appreciation 

twitter stan: As much as I appreciate both of you, go the fuck to sleep.

rich boy check: STAN APPROCISTES ME??!??! 

twitter stan: Of course, now shut your fuck and go to sleep.

rich boy check: ur no fun :(

[t-t-t-target! 3:53 am]

(wheeze): whatwt tbe actual fuck 

(wheeze): why didd rihcie just SCREAM

(wheeze): he fucuifng woke me up 

resident farmer: eddie ur with rich???

(wheeze): sleepover

(wheeze): sadly

lesbian supreme: oooh la la 

(wheeze): choke

residant farmer: why did richie scream

rich boy check: eds ffoot moved

rich boy check: it spooked me

twitter stan: Are you fucking-

rich boy check: im fuckin ur mom yea

lesbian supreme: walked into that one staniel

ben 10: it is past yalls bed time what u doin up

rich boy check: screaming at feet

(wheeze): screaming at richie

ben 10: fair enough 

lebsian supreme: screaming at my cat

rich boy check: heheh pussy

big blue bills in the bank: im screaming at club penhuin

rich boy check: ah yes the penhuin

rich boy check: my fav animal

big blue bills in the bank: im finna break ur little stick neck if u dont shut

rich boy check: kinky

lesbian supreme: kinky

rich boy check: JINX

lesbian supreme: JINX

rich boy check: WE R SO IN SYNCE ONG

lesbian supreme: BFF GOALS

twitter stan: Jesus.

rich boy check: stan we're jewish

resident farmer: yall still good 4 the movie tomorrow??

lesbian supreme: hell yeah

rich boy check: fuck yeah

(wheeze): yup

twitter stan: Yes. 

rich boy check: stanny is so scary when he texts

ben 10: im good 2 go

big blue bills in the bank: same here!!

resident farmer: perfect! :)

[t-t-t-target! 7:53 am]

lesbian supreme: why not make a state just 4 lesbians 

rich boy check: the tagline would b 'from v to shining v'

twitter stan: 'But Carl that's so offensive! What if there was a state just for straight people?'

rich boy check: have you been to utah u fucking idiot?

[t-t-t-target! 9:03 am]

ben 10: i hav... 

ben 10: so many questions

rich boy check: stripper magician a wonderful addition 

rich boy check: 2 parties and funerals also police suspicions 

rich boy check: i think theres smth shiny behind ur ear 

rich boy check: i can also make your daughter's virginity dissapear!

rich boy check: take a look @ my magic stick it makes dreams come true with just 1 lick

rich boy check: *flick

rich boy check: pulling out this scarves like i pull out of ur daughter 

rich boy check: im a magic man a real harry potter

ben 10: RICHIEE WHY

rich boy check: HAV NOT SEEN CAROLINES VIDEOSIE 

rich boy check: THATSST SO NOT OK

rich boy check: IM SENDING U A PLAYLISUT

twitter stan: Who needs a ride to Mike’s?

rich boy check: my spaghetti man and i do!!!!

rich boy check: please and thank u!!!!

(wheeze): call me that again and im pushing u out of the car

rich boy check: cool i could do summer salts down the road 

rich boy check: high speed chase 

twitter stan: How in the fuck did you just spell somersault?

rich boy check: what that

twitter stan: A somersault?

rich boy check: summer. salt.

twitter stan: No.

rich boy check: yes. 

big blue bills in the bank: stan the man could i snag a ride???

twitter stan: Of course, Billiam. :)

lesbian supreme: benny and I are goin together 

lesbian supreme: be there in 10 mikey!!!

resident farmer: perfect!!! mom made lemonade

rich boy check: HMFUCUIEN YES

ben 10: what time is the flick

rich boy check: flick flick flick flick 

rich boy check: i wanna eat your duck

resident farmer: no rich please don’t eat my duck 

resident farmer: u helped raise him

lesbian supreme: MIEKSDU SHEHSJ

(wheeze): movie is @ 2!!

twitter stan: I’m on my way to Eddie’s, be ready gays. 

(wheeze): did u mean guys??

twitter stan: Absolutely not.

[wheezy baby (eddie) —> mumz (bev)]

wheezy baby: BEVEVRY

mumz: EYDHUSI

mumz: WHAZZZ UP

wheezy baby: RICHEU IS TRYINF TO KIKL ME

wheezy baby: HUS OUTFIT TODAY OMIGOD I THINKNIM GONNA DIE 

mumz: WHATS HE WEARIN 

mumz: DESCRIBE HIS DRIP

wheezy baby: HES WEARING BLACK OVERALLSSB WITH LITTKEK RIPS AND HIS RED CONVERSE AND A LONG SLEEVED BUZZFEED UNSNSOOLVED SHIRT TJAT I BOUGHT HIM AND THIS LITTLER BEANIE WITH AN R ON IT 

mumz: ONG PICTURES SEND PICTURES

wheezy baby: [godhescute.jpeg]

[pic is richie wearing said outfit, sitting on eddie’s porch w/ a vape and he’s smiling, he looks hella cute ok]

wheezy baby: GODIE I DONT EVEB CAR THAT HE HAS HIS VAPE HES SO FUCKING PRETTY

mumz: 2 BE FAIR U VAPE TOO

wheezy baby: NOT IN PUBLCIBWHEUHS

mumz: BYT THATS FR THE CUTEST PICTURE TO EVER EXIST GOD I ADORE HUM 

wheezy baby: IM GONAN MARRY THIS MAN AND HIS STUPID VAPE

mumz: I CALL MAID OF HONOR!!!

[t-t-t-target! 9:24 am]

twitter stan: Mr. Kaspbrak and Mr. Tozier, your ride is here.

twitter stan: Okay, Richie you look mad cute today I can’t even lie.

rich boy check: AWWW STANNY THSNKBU I REALLY WADNT SURE ABT THIS OUTFIT BUT NOW I KNOW THAT U AND EDDIE LOVE IT SO

twitter stan: You look very nice. Billy, you’re next, get ready.

rich boy check: jesus fuck r u threatening him

big blue bills in the bank: if i go missing...

big blue bills in the bank: u know who to investigate...

rich boy check: if i go missing

rich boy check: dont look 4 me 

resident farmer: rich :(

(wheeze): wait for it

rich boy check: bc i want to be on buzzfeed unsolved 

(wheeze): there it is


	2. when john cena asks for consent does he say ARE YOU SURE ABT THAT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> big blue bills in the bank: when john cena asks for consent does he say aRE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT
> 
> rich boy check: no he just shoved it right in
> 
> resident farmer: why...why was that past tense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!! hope ur doin well :) i rlly hope this chapter is funny, i started using some of mine and my best friend's old texts for inspo!! let me know what u think!
> 
> big blue bills in the bank: bill  
rich boy check: richie  
twitter stan: stan  
(wheeze): eddie  
lesbian supreme: bev  
resident farmer: mike  
ben 10: ben
> 
> for some context: richie is jewish, bill and stan r in love but arent together, richie's parents r bad ppl, they all love each other

[t-t-t-target! 6:47 pm]

rich boy check: cows r just acoustic lawnmowers 

(wheeze): dear fucking god

rich boy check: im jewish >:[ 

twitter stan: That’s-

twitter stan: No.

[big dick energy (bill) —> annoying <3 (richie) 6:53 pm]

big dick energy: hey u wanna come over 4 dinner 

annoying <3: nah nah billy boy it’s all good!! i can grab smth on the way home

big dick energy: :(

big dick energy: richie

big dick energy: u need a full dinner 

big dick energy: pls come over 

big dick energy: georgie misses u :’(

annoying <3: ur rlly pulling out the georgie card??

big dick energy: >:)

annoying <3: uggghgghhhhhhh

annoying <3: fine >:(

big dick energy: :)

[t-t-t-target! 7:26 pm]

rich boy check: WHENRB SID GEROGIE GET SO FUJCING GOOD AT MONOPOLY 

rich boy check: WHUXH ONE OF U TRAINED HIM

(wheeze): none of us u just SUCK

[wheezy baby (eddie) ----> mumz (bev) 7:27 pm]

mumz: not the way i would flirt but

mumz: u do u

wheezy baby: SHUT UR FUCK

[t-t-t-target! 7:28 pm]

rich boy check: yOWZA eds u rlly comin 4 my monopoly skills 

(wheeze): what skills

ben 10: ok guys

ben 10: wtf is a toupe 

rich boy check: its a weave for men

ben 10: understood

lesbian supreme: FYUJCIFNGN 

lesbian supreme: richie why r u w/ georgie??

rich boy check: dinner d8 @ billys!!!

[angel! <3333 (eddie) ---> babylove <3 (richie) 7:32 pm]

angel! <3333: hey how r u doing

babylove <3: im doin dandy!! how r u :]

angel! <3333: im ok rich :) i just wanted 2 check on u

angel! <3333: is it bad at home?

babylove <3: nothing i cant handle 

babylove <3: father hasnt been home in a few days

babylove <3: so its not as loud rn

angel! <3333: and ur mom?

babylove <3: on the couch

babylove <3: ‘sleeping’

angel! <3333: im sorry chee thats horrible 

babylove <3: i’ll be okay 

angel! <3333: just kno that im always here if u need me :)

angel! <3333: and hey

angel! <3333: did u hear 

angel! <3333: there’s a new bonus bfu tru crime episode tmrw

angel! <3333: do u wanna watch it together?

babylove <3: now thats an offer i cant refuse!!

babylove <3: thank u eds u always kno how to cheer me up!! :)

angel! <3333: ur welcome dummy :)

[best boy (richie) ---> my girl!! (bev) 7:41 pm]

best boy: bevvy

best boy: im in love

my girl!!: oh my baby!!! 

best boy: [screenshotofrichieandeddiestexts]

my girl!!: SUCH SWEETHEARTS I LOV U GAYS

best boy: WHTA DO I DO NOW

my girl!!: DATE HIM BABEY

best boy: WHATS 

best boy: ID NEVER DO THST 2 EDDIE

best boy: ID BE HRORRIBLE AT DATING HIM 

my girl!!: UR THE BEST BOY YOURE PERFETC FOR EACH OTHER

best boy: SOUNDS FAKE

best boy: HE DOESNT EVEN KIKE ME LIKE THAY

my girl!!: YOURE SN STUPID I LOVE YOU BUT GODNRU BABEY UR SO DUMB

[t-t-t-target! 8:04 pm]

big blue bills in the bank: when john cena asks for consent does he say aRE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT

rich boy check: no he just shoved it right in

resident farmer: why...why was that past tense 

rich boy check: my sexual histuory is my bussinensis

twitter stan: Does autocorrect even exist on your phone?

rich boy check: why would i get autocureects when i hav u!!!!

lesbian supreme: r we gonna ignore that richie just implied that john cena fucked him

(wheeze): always knew he was a bottom..

rich boy check: HEYST

rich boy check: SLANDER THATS NTOR TRUE

ben 10: wellllllll

rich boy check: NO

rich boy check: DOES EVERYBDIDY HERE THINK IM A BOTOTM

twitter stan: Reading that gave me a stroke.

twitter stan: And yes.

lesbian supreme: yea ur a bottom bitch

big blue bills in the bank: oh for SURE 

resident farmer: i mean….yeah

(wheeze): hahhahaha bottom 

rich boy check: THEIBIS BUKKYING 

resident farmer: not saying ur a bottom..

resident farmer: but ur def a bottom

rich boy check: so this is what betrayal feels like 

[t-t-t-target! 11:42 pm]

resident farmer: man i love frogs sm

rich boy check: i look like a frog

resident farmer: l o v e y e s

(wheeze): haha frogface

[billy goat (bill) ---> eddie bear (eddie) 11:44 pm]

billy goat: damn eddie didnt kno u wanted to fuck frogs wow…

eddie bear: FUCJIIGN CHOKE

billy goat: ur in lov w frog face haha

eddie bear: ….

eddie bear: im neither gonna confirm nor deny

billy goat: g a y a s s

eddie bear: ur in lov w a jew 

eddie bear: wait

billy goat: HAHHAHAHAHH

billy goat: ig we both hav a thing for jewish boys w curly hair :3

eddie bear: u get near richie

eddie bear: u loose ur feet

billy goat: agressive >:[

eddie bear: …..

eddie bear: ...love you billy  
billy goat: love u 2 :]

[bill created a new chat!]  
[bill added bev, stan, mike, ben!]  
[bill named the chat: task force gay]  
[bev changed their name to big mama]  
[ben changed their name to benjamin button]  
[mike changed their name to mike n ike]  
[bill changed their name to genius]  
[bill changed stan’s name to stanny the manny]

[task force gay 11:54 pm]

big mama: oooooo whats this billy

genius: we need to get eddie and richie together

genius: whos in


	3. mcnaldos date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> big blue bills in the bank: bill  
rich boy check: richie  
twitter stan: stan  
(wheeze): eddie  
lesbian supreme: bev  
resident farmer: mike  
ben 10: ben
> 
> sorry this one is so short!! but thank u for all the support it means the world!! comments are always appreciated!!

[t-t-t-target! 2:17 am]

rich boy check: OMDHHGSA GYYS

rich boy check: I WAS JUST BRUSHIGN MY TEETH AND INSTEAD OF FUCKING SPITTING THE TOOTHPATSTE INTO THE SINK I SPIT IT INTOT THE DRAWER

rich boy check: AND LEFTS IT THERE BEFOR I REALZIED

lesbian supreme: OH FMU FUCKIGNGOD

lesbian supreme: I CNANT STOP LAUGHIGN

big blue bills in the bank: MY GOD 

big blue bills in the bank: I FELDKS OFF THE FUCKIGN BED

(wheeze): IC HOKED ONMY FUCKING MILKS

resident farmer: OMIGOD RICH

resident farmer: OMGIDOPS

ben 10: why r u HEATHENS awake

ben 10: …..

ben 10: rich what the FRICK

twitter stan: You are...so stupid. 

rich boy check: I DOTN KNO WHAT HAPPENED

[eddie bear (eddie) ---> billy goat (bill) 2:24 am]

eddie bear: god hes so dumb cant believe im gonna sleep w him

billy goat: you don’t….have to sleep w him

eddie bear: ….nah im gonna 

[task force gay 2:31 am]

genius: gUSY 

genius: [screenshotofhisandeddiestexts]

big mama: oh so he GAY gay

genius: we need a Plan

benjamin button: rich’s bday is coming up...mayhaps 

genius: YES 

stanny the manny: No surprise parties, you know Richie hates that kind of stuff on his birthday.

big mama: awwwwww stanny lookin out for his best friend <3333

stanny the manny: I will strangle you, Miss Marsh.

big mama: im flattered but i swing the other way if u know what i mean ;)))

big mama: pussy

big mama: im not calling u a pussy just saying that i like pussy

mike n ike: what abt a picnic!!

big mama: YES I LOVE IT

stanny the manny: Richie loves chocolate chip cookies, fyi.

benjamin button: best friend! stan strikes again!!

stanny the manny: No.

genius: a picnic is PERFECT we can hav it at the quarry!!! then we can leave rich and eddie alone ;))

big mama: thank u mikey ur a god

mike n ike: we been knew

mike n ike: but thank u i try very hard

stanny the man: We should have Eddie help us set it up. 

genius: give him bragging rights 2 impress his boy

big mama: yes!!! its all comin together 8)

[t-t-t-target! 3:59 am]

rich boy check: god 

rich boy check: fucking straight ppl

(wheeze): imagine being straight 

twitter stan: I Have To Laugh. 

(wheeze): boys r so cute 

lesbian supreme: girls are so <333

ben 10: i agree w both of those statements

rich boy check: ^^^^^^

resident farmer: ^^^^^^^^

big blue bills in the bank: THIS IS A GAYS ONLY EVENT GO HOME

[rich boy check changed the chat name to THIS IS A GAYS ONLY EVENT]

rich boy check: No Hets

rich boy check: remember when patrick called me heterophobic

lesbian supreme: DUDE THTA WAS SO FUCKIGND FUNNY

rich boy check: i was like BITFHC 

resident farmer: we live in a society

twitter stan: The audacity. 

[THIS IS A GAYS ONLY EVENT 5:32 am]

rich boy check: i hav been listening 2 super freak on repeat for a full hour and show no signs of stopping

rich boy check: no regrets

[THIS IS A GAYS ONLY EVENT 10:34 am]

rich boy check: i hav a few regrets 

rich boy check: would any of u like 2 accompany me to our nation’s greatest monument aka

rich boy check: mcnaldos

big blue bills in the bank: what in the fresh hell is that

twitter stan: McDonald’s.

(wheeze): i’ll go w u rich

rich boy check: YAY!!! 

rich boy check: pick u up in 15!!!

[billy goat (bill) ---> eddie bear (eddie) 10:34 am]

billy goat: ooooOOOOoooOO mcdonalds d8!!!!

eddie bear: shut ur fuck

eddie bear: …..

eddie bear: but yea im gonna buy him sum fuckin cookies cuz hes a dumbass sweetheart and he DESERVES THEM DAMMIT

billy goat: YALL R SO SOFT IM FR FR GONNA CRY 

eddie bear: SHSUH

[task force gay 11:02 am]

genius: NONE OF U CAN GO 2 MCDOANDLS

genius: DONT RUIN THIER DATE

genius: THYE NEED 2 BE GAY 

big mama: ROGER THAT CHIEF

stanny the manny: Understood.

benjamin button: GOTCHA

mike n ike: COPY THAT BIG BILL 

[babylove <3 (richie) ---> angel! <3333 (eddie)]

babylove <3: almost there eds!!!!

angel! <3333: dont text and drive!!!

angel! <3333: see u soon chee :)

[best boy (richie) ----> my girl!! (bev) 2:19 pm] 

best boy: bevvy

best boy: i think me and eddie just went on a date


	4. oh yeah, it's all coming together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [best boy (richie) ----> my girl!! (bev) 2:19 pm] 
> 
> best boy: bevvy
> 
> best boy: i think me and eddie just went on a date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LATE IVE BEEN CRAZY BUSY  
this is kinda short but it helps move things along so here u go!! im working on the next chapter rn!! that will be up rlly soon! thank you guys so much for all your support i rlly hope you're enjoying this :)

[my girl!! (bev) —-> best boy (richie) 3:07 pm]

my girl!!: FCKIMH WHAT

my girl!!: SPILL RN

best boy: IM LIKE

best boy: ON CLODU NINE OR WHATEVR PPL SAY

best boy: BEST DAY

best boy: JSUT THE BEST DAY

best boy: OMIGDO ID DO ANYTHING FOR THIS BOY

best boy: OKAY SO 

best boy: WE HELD HANDS ON ORU WAY THERE

best boy: HE CALLED ME BABY AND SAID I LOOKED PRETTY AND I THOUGHT I WAS GOIGN TO FAINT BEV AND HE WAS JUST SMILING UP TA ME ALL SOFT AND I WA SLIKE FUCK IM IN LOVE

best boy: HE BOUGHT ME COOKIES 

best boy: AND THEN HE GAVE ME THE BIGGEST HUG WHEN I DROPPED HIM OFF AND SIAD ‘thanks for a great time baby’ AND MY HEART

best boy: MY HEART FUCKFING DIED IM DEAD FROM CARDIAC ARREST

best boy: I KISSED HIS FOREHEAD AND HE DIDNT EVRBNB SHOVE ME AWAY

my girl!!: MY EYEWS R LEAKING

my girl!!: COME OVER RN

best boy: OK OK IM OMW

[task force gay 3:12 pm]

big mama: [screenshotofrichiestexts]

big mama: BRUH EDDIES GOING 4 IT

genius: HOLY FUKCING SHIT 

stanny the manny: That’s pretty gay. 

mike n ike: WE DINT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING THEYRE GAY ALL BY THEMSLEVES

benjamin button: they grow up so fast :’)

genius: DOES THIS MEAN REDDIE IS COMFIRMED 

big mama: RIHC IS OVER RN AND HE SAID HE ISNT SURE IF EDDIE MEANT IT AS A DATE

stanny the manny: Ah, Richie, I love him, but he’s a fucking idiot. 

genius: ILL TEXT EDDIE RNND

[billy goat (bill) ---> eddie bear (eddie) 3:46 pm]

billy goat: how was ur date??

eddie bear: holy fuck billy

eddie bear: it was perfect

eddie bear: im so in love

[task force gay 3:51 pm]

genius: [screenshotofeddieandbillstexts]

genius: IT WAS A FUCKING DATE

big mama: IMMA TELL RICHIE RN

big mama: OKAY UPDATE HES CRYING

big mama: G U YS

big mama: HES GONNA ASK EDDIE OUT TONIGHT

stanny the manny: Finally. Tell him to get flowers. 

mike n ike: OH YEAH ITS ALL COMING TOGETHER

benjamin button: ENDGAME FROM THE START YES

[babylove <3 (richie) ---> angel! <3333 (eddie) 6:23 pm]

babylove <3: eds!!! i miss u can i come over?? 

angel! <3333: dude we JUST hung out

angel! <3333: …..

angel! <3333: but yea come over :) my mom isnt home u can come thru the front door

babylove <3: SICK OK IM OMW!!! <3!!!

[THIS IS A GAYS ONLY EVENT 8:56 pm]

(wheeze): [sleepytrashmouth]  
[picture is richie asleep on eddie’s lap, his curls r everywhere and it’s so soft]

(wheeze): wow cant believe im dating the cutest motherfucker on the planet <33


	5. protective eddie strikes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shortstack: my baby :(
> 
> genius: youve been dating,,, two seconds
> 
> shortstack: hes always been my baby shut ur fuck i will kill u 
> 
> big mama: protective eddie strikes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big blue bills in the bank: bill  
rich boy check: richie  
twitter stan: stan  
(wheeze): eddie  
lesbian supreme: bev  
resident farmer: mike  
ben 10: ben
> 
> thank u for all the support!! im rlly happy with how this is turning out, please let me kno what u think!!

[THIS IS A GAYS ONLY EVENT 10:42 pm]

twitter stan: I don’t know, Eddie...that’s pretty gay of you.

(wheeze): AHSJHDKH STAN

lesbian supreme: its abt DAMN time i stg eddie he was CRYING abt how sweet u are 

lesbian supreme: and yea he is the cutest mf <33

resident farmer: i was finna lock yall in the barn or sum shit

ben 10: im happy 4 u!!

(wheeze): thanks benny :)

rich boy check: THIS IS SLANDER

rich boy check: I AM NTO CUTE EDS HOW DARE U 

rich boy check: I DINT CONSENT TO THAT PICTURE

(wheeze): too bad >:) its my wallpaper now

[my girl!! (bev) ---> best boy (richie) 10:54 pm]

my girl!!: what do we say??

best boy: uhgggghh

best boy: thank u bevvy

best boy: ur a goddess

best boy: <333

my girl!!: anything for my boy <33

[task force gay 11:06 pm]

big mama: gays

big mama: guys*

stanny the manny: No, you had it right the first time.

genius: HIFDBJKF

big mama: we should add eddie to this and plan richies birthday bash

mike n ike: ill add him!!

[mike n ike added eddie k to the chat!]  
[mike n ike changed eddie k’s name to shortstack]

shortstack: perish

shortstack: what is this??

genius: well it WAS a chat to help get u and richie together but I GUESS U DID THAT ON UR OWN

genius: but now we r jus planning a picnic for richies birthday

stanny the manny: Don’t let Richie see your phone.

shortstack: hes getting ready for bed

shortstack: a picnic sounds good

shortstack: we dont want a repeat of last year tho so we shouldnt hav it near his house

big mama: god that was fucking sad

big mama: tf kind of parents forget their kids birthday 

stanny the manny: The dickhole kind. 

benjamin button: we r gonna have it at the quarry 

shortstack: n i c e 

mike n ike: has richie said anything abt his b day?? its like,, next week

shortstack: not to me no,,,he says hes excited to get his license soon 

stanny the manny: He told me that he didn’t think that we should do anything for him. He doesn’t think that he’s ‘worth it’. 

stanny the manny: I told him that’s complete bullshit, he hasn’t brought it up since. 

shortstack: my baby :(

genius: youve been dating,,, two seconds

shortstack: hes always been my baby shut ur fuck i will kill u 

big mama: protective eddie strikes 

shortstack: shit hes dressed i gtg 

shortstack: keep me updated tho i rlly want this to be perfect

shortstack: gn guys!!

big mama: gn eddie!!!


	6. shoplifting cookie dough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eddie’s baby: when stan said ‘be gay do crime’ i felt that
> 
> [eddie’s baby changed twitter stan’s name to chaotic neutral]
> 
> chaotic neutral: Thank you, Richard.
> 
> eddie’s baby: dear god u sound like my teacher
> 
> ben 10: teacher!stan au
> 
> The Sweet Man: youd be a great teacher stan!! 
> 
> chaotic neutral: Why thank you, William. You get a gold star. 
> 
> (wheeze): oh dear god bill has a teacher kink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eddie’s baby: richie  
(wheeze): eddie  
lesbian supreme: beverly  
The Sweet Man: bill  
chaotic neutral: stanley  
papa michael: mike  
ben 10: ben
> 
> wooah new chapter already?? yeah!!! im rlly happy w how this story is going so im working on it all the time :) i hope u love it!

[stan my man!! (stan) ----> Bug Eyes <3 (richie) 11:06 am]

[screenshotofeddiecallingrichiehisbaby]  
stan my man!!: He’s wrapped around your finger already.

Bug Eyes <3: I LOVE HIMD

stan my man!!: I can’t believe he calls you his baby, I figured it was the other way around.

stan my man!!: I guess you really are baby.

Bug Eyes <3: hes my lil eds spaghetts 

stan my man!!: I’m sure if he read that text he’d smack you.

Bug Eyes <3: ……

stan my man!!: He just smacked you, didn’t he?

Bug Eyes <3: SHUSH

[THIS IS A GAYS ONLY EVENT 11:23 am]

[rich boy check changed their name to im baby]

im baby: ok so stan confirmed im baby

(wheeze): imma fix this real quick

[(wheeze) changed im baby’s name to eddie’s baby]

lesbian supreme: u guys r sickening

eddie’s baby: YOU WNATED US TOGETHER THIS IS WHAT U GET

ben 10: guys im bbbbbooooorrreeddd

ben 10: can we do smth

eddie’s baby: i wanna bake cookies

resident farmer: lets get cheffin

[eddie’s baby changed resident farmer’s name to papa michael]

papa michael: i appreciate that

eddie’s baby: dj khaled is that u

twitter stan: God, I love that man. 

twitter stan: Yo, why is it so fucking cold outside?

twitter stan: I’m deadass shivering, I forgot my sweater. :/

big blue bills in the bank: u wanna borrow my sweatshirt??

twitter stan: Sure, thanks Billy :).

[Bug Eyes <3 (richie) ---> stan my man!! (stan) 11:31pm]

Bug Eyes <3: OH EYAH IT ALL COMING TOGETHER

stan my man!!: Your spelling disgusts me. 

Bug Eyes <3: STANNYS GETTONG A BF YES THIS WAS MY 11:11 WISH YES

stan my man!!: Your 11:11 wish was for Eddie’s dick don’t lie.

Bug Eyes <3: SLANDER 

Bug Eyes <3: fr fr tho next on the Gay Agenda is for you and billy boy to get togther 

stan my man!!: Richie...as much as I appreciate that and as much as I want to be with Bill...I just don’t think he likes me like that. 

Bug Eyes <3: stanny man ur my bff for life i will do anything to make u happy 

Bug Eyes <3: me and u against the world

Bug Eyes <3: and imma let u in on a little secret……

Bug Eyes <3: bill is freaking out to eddie rn abt you

Bug Eyes <3: i dont wanna break eds and bills best friend code and tell u but

Bug Eyes <3: he really fucking loves u stan

stan my man!!: I hate that I love you so much.  
stan my man!!: Fine, you can help get me and Bill together. 

Bug Eyes <3: im also gonna be best man @ ur wedding

stan my man!!: Obviously, dumbass. 

[THIS IS A GAYS ONLY EVENT GO HOME 11:36 pm]

[lesbian supreme changed big blue bills in the bank’s name to The Sweet Man]

The Sweet Man: thank u bevvie :)

ben 10: y does that seem like a creepypasta

eddie’s baby: YOU WOULD KNOW

ben 10: SILENCE BOTTOM

eddie’s baby: OH WOW W O W

(wheeze): ben ur my new best friend

The Sweet Man: HJEY

papa michael: wouldnt richie be ur bff??

(wheeze): no hes my bf but bill is my bff

eddie’s baby: eds is my bf, my light of my life, sun and stars, precious buttercup

eddie’s baby: but stanny is my best best friend :))

twitter stan: Sadly. 

eddie’s baby: D:

twitter stan: <3

eddie’s baby: :D

eddie’s baby: bevvy is also my best friend

eddie’s baby: shes my GIRL

eddie’s baby: but i love all of u gays sm :’)

lesbian supreme: we love you too <33!!

(wheeze): eh ur ok ig

eddie’s baby: u just made out w me

eddie’s baby: im lit rally sittin on ur lap

(wheeze): silence bottom

ben 10: AHHhHAHaHAHAHAH

lesbian supreme: richhhhiiiieieieieie come to the store w me to get cookie dough

eddie’s baby: pick meee upppppp

lesbian supreme: didnt u drive 2 eddies???

eddie’s baby: no i was too nervous abt asking him out i just sprinted there

twitter stan: Are you fucking for real.

The Sweet Man: fur real friends

(wheeze): silence furry

(wheeze): and yea this IDIOT fucking RAN to my house with a thing of flowers and chucked a stick at my window

eddie’s baby: what can i say,,,,im a romantic 

lesbian supreme: rich im leaving rn!! be there in like 6 min

lesbian supreme: eddie im stealing ur man

eddie’s baby: cant we just,,,shoplift the dough

The Sweet Man: no!!

twitter stan: Yeah, sure.

papa michael: the duality of man

eddie’s baby: when stan said ‘be gay do crime’ i felt that

[eddie’s baby changed twitter stan’s name to chaotic neutral]

chaotic neutral: Thank you, Richard.

eddie’s baby: dear god u sound like my teacher

ben 10: teacher!stan au

The Sweet Man: youd be a great teacher stan!! 

chaotic neutral: Why thank you, William. You get a gold star. 

(wheeze): oh dear god bill has a teacher kink

[billy goat (bill) —-> eddie bear (eddie) 11:52 am]

billy goat: u wanna fuckin die

eddie bear: im a bad bitch u cant kill me 

[THIS IS A GAYS ONLY EVENT 12:02]

lesbian supreme: eddie is a clingy bitch and that’s the tea

(wheeze): EX FUCKING CUSE ME

eddie’s baby: awwww eds dw i love how clingy u are!!

(wheeze): i will smother u

eddie’s baby: theres no way id rather go <33

lesbian supreme: r we going to bake at billys house??

The Sweet Man: sure!!! me and stan r already here

lesbian supreme: perfect!!! me and rich will pick up eddie mike and ben

ben 10: sick!!!

papa michael: 8)!

chaotic neutral: What the hell is that.

papa michael: its richie!!!

eddie’s baby: i love it!!!

chaotic neutral: Good lord. 

[my angel! <3333 (eddie) —-> my lil babylove <3 (richie) 1:23 pm]

my angel! <3333: omfg chee what is taking so looonnnnggggg

my lil babylove <3: easy sweet cheeks!! its all part of a plan!! we r stalling so staniel and billy hav more time alone 

my angel! <3333: ohhhhhh i get it 

my angel! <3333: thats smart 

my angel! <3333: so im guessing u didnt come up w it

my lil babylove <3: HEY 

my lil babylove <3: ….it was bevvys idea

my angel! <3: knew it

my lil babylove <3: :(

my angel! <3: i love you babydoll

my lil babylove <3: i love you more eds

my angel! <3: not possible <33

my angel! <3: and dont call me eds!!!!

[THIS IS A GAYS ONLY EVENT 1:32 pm]

eddie’s baby: ok we have shoplifted the dough 

ben 10: you what

lesbian supreme: we r going 2 picking up eddie now!!

[billy goat (bill) —-> eddie bear (eddie) 1:33 pm]

billy goat: ok so

billy goat: i might be in love with stan


	7. shut the fuck up you piece of laffy taffy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [THIS IS A GAYS ONLY EVENT 3:46 pm]
> 
> eddie’s baby: god i fuckin love disney plus
> 
> lesbian supreme: how do u hav disney plus?? 
> 
> eddie’s baby: bc a certain bird boy loves me that much
> 
> chaotic neutral: Shut the fuck up you piece of laffy taffy. 
> 
> ben 10: FhbHJBJODG STAN DONT PLAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eddie's baby: richie  
The Sweet Man: bill  
chaotic neutral: stan  
(wheeze): eddie   
lesbian supreme: bev  
papa michael: mike   
ben 10: ben
> 
> IM SORRY THIS IS SO LATE THIGNS HAV BEEN SO BAD RECENTLY but i think im back on track thanks for sticking with me!!! let me know what u think:)

[eddie bear (eddie) —-> billy goat (bill) 1:40 pm]

eddie bear: ding ding ding!!! hes figured it out ladies and gents!!!!

billy goat: eddddiiiiieeeee what do i dooooooo

eddie bear: oh jeez ur dumb

billy goat: BTICH

eddie bear: i love you bill but ur so stupid

eddie bear: stan is in love w u too

eddie bear: ur both blind

billy goat: this coming from a guy in love w richie for 9 years who didnt do anything abt it

eddie bear: HEY

eddie bear: it was 10 years 

eddie bear: and thats BESIDES THE POINT

eddie bear: the POINT IS that u and stan r in love and u need to tell each other

billy goat: gonna need some proof on that chief 

eddie bear: my word isnt proof??

billy goat: that aint it chief

eddie bear: jesus

eddie bear: trust me stan fuckign adores u buddy boy

eddie bear: talk to him!!!

billy goat: ughghgngmmmgmmgm i will think abt it

eddie bear: good 

eddie bear: now get off ur fucking phone we r almost there lets make some cookies

[THIS IS A GAYS ONLY EVENT 3:46 pm]

eddie’s baby: god i fuckin love disney plus

lesbian supreme: how do u hav disney plus?? 

eddie’s baby: bc a certain bird boy loves me that much

chaotic neutral: Shut the fuck up you piece of laffy taffy. 

ben 10: FhbHJBJODG STAN DONT PLAY

eddie’s baby: HOW DARE U 

(wheeze): thats what im gonna call u now

(wheeze): laffy taffy

eddie’s baby: kinky

(wheeze): H O W

eddie’s baby: fr tho stan is like god tier he made me account on his disney plus so i could watch ant man 

papa michael: is that why u keep asking if i breed ants

eddie’s baby: i wanna learn to speak to them 

chaotic neutral: That movie is science fiction.

eddie’s baby: D’: 

lesbian supreme: you fucker u made him sad

(wheeze): richie im coming over i wanna watch hsm

eddie’s baby: YAY 

The Sweet Man: whats hsm

ben 10: HIGH SHCOOL MUSICAL U UNCULTERED FURRY

eddie’s baby: DMAND BEN WENT FOR IT

The Sweet Man: SHUT THR FUKC UP BEN U LOOK AT UNDERTALE FANFICTION

lesbian supreme: I M ACTALLYL ROLLING 

papa michael: I JSUT SCESMAED 

[my angel!! <3333 (eddie) ----> my lil babylove <3 (richie) 4:06 pm]

my angel!! <3333: FUCKKER OPEN THE DOOR

my lil babylove: whats the passwoooorrdddd

my angel!! <3333: let me in or i wont hold ur hand for a week

my lil babylove <3: DONT TGREATEN ME WIHR THAT I WILL ACTUALLY CRY 

my lil babylove <3: PLESSSE I NEED U TO HOLD MY HAND

my angel!! <3333: needy baby 

my lil babylove <3: SHUSHH NO THATS NOT TRUE

my lil babylove <3: i just,,,love you

my angel!! <3333: i love you too sugar

my lil babylove <3: hey u got the password right!!!!

my angel!! <3333: for fucks sake

my angel!! <3333: open the door so i can kiss ur stupid pretty face 

[Billy Boy <3 (bill) ----> stanny!!!!! <33 (stan) 5:11 pm]

Billy Boy <3: hey stan!!!! can i come over?? 

stanny!!!!!! <33: Sure, Billy. :) What’s up?

Billy Boy <3: nothing i just wanna see u 

Billy Boy <3: i have smth i wanna tell u


	8. im a motherfucking sweet treat. i am a goddamn delight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chaotic neutral: You’re spending too much time with Richie.
> 
> eddie’s baby: IM A MOTHRRFUKCING SWEET TREAT
> 
> eddie’s baby: IM A GODDMAN DELIGHT 
> 
> chaotic neutral: For fuck’s sake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lesbian supreme: bev  
eddie’s baby: richie  
chaotic neutral: stan  
(wheeze): eddie  
papa michael: mike  
The Sweet Man: bill  
ben 10: ben
> 
> HAPPY LATE HOLIGAYS IM SO FUCKING SORRY THIS IS SO GODDAMN LATE IVE BEEN WIRKJNG THRU SOME SHIT IM BACK NOW

[stan my man!! (stan) ---> Bug Eyes <3 (richie) 7:23 pm]

stan my man!!: RICHARD TOZIER 

stan my man!!: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO

Bug Eyes <3: I DDINT DO ANYTHITN I SWEAR

stan my man!!: BULLSHIT

Bug Eyes <3: I SWEAR ON MY MOTHER

stan my man!!: ……..

Bug Eyes <3: stanny?

stan my man!!: Thank you, Rich. 

Bug Eyes <3: fuckign pardon

stan my man!!: You were right about Bill. He likes me.

Bug Eyes <3: ARE U GUSY TIGETHER

stan my man!!: Yeah, we are. :)

Bug Eyes <3: are u happy stanny?

stan my man!!: Extremely. 

Bug Eyes <3: then my mission was a success!! 

stan my man!!: Your mission was to make me happy?

Bug Eyes <3: thats always my mission for all of u guys!!! ur my best friend in the world i always want u to be happy 

stan my man!!: How are you such a dick but so fucking sweet at the same time?

Bug Eyes <3: its a gift >:) being a dick is in my name 

stan my man!!: Thank you, Chee. I love you.

Bug Eyes <3: i love u!!! now go make out w big bill

Bug Eyes <3: wait 

Bug Eyes <3: is big bill actually big??

stan my man!!: BEEP BEEP RICHARD

[THIS IS A GAYS ONLY EVENT 8:01 pm]

eddie’s baby: guys 

eddie’s baby: does bill hav a big dick

The Sweet Man: RICHARD

lesbian supreme: yes

(wheeze): its not bad 

The Sweet Man: OH GOD INDIR STOP

The Sweet Man: i hav no friends anymore 

papa michael: woah

ben 10: w o a h

chaotic neutral: Woah.

The Sweet Man: ok 2 friends and a boyfriend 

lesbian supreme: h o l u p

papa michael: ok

papa michael: stan, does bill have a big dick

The Sweet Man: OH MY FUCKFING GOD 

chaotic neutral: No comment.

ben 10: that’s not a no

chaotic neutral: You’re spending too much time with Richie.

eddie’s baby: IM A MOTHRRFUKCING SWEET TREAT

eddie’s baby: IM A GODDMAN DELIGHT 

chaotic neutral: For fuck’s sake.

eddie’s baby: okay but if u and bill don’t say “i scooby dooby doo” at ur wedding instead of “i do” im not showing up just sayin

(wheeze): ^^

lesbian supreme:^^^^

papa michael: ^^^^^^

ben 10: ^^^^^^^

The Sweet Man: ^^^^^^^^^^^

chaotic neutral: Lord, you test me.

[THIS IS A GAYS ONLY EVENT 3:07 am]

papa michael: ok but what the fuck IS mayo

eddie’s baby: my sweat 

ben 10: oh 

ben 10: oh no


	9. karma is a bitch and i love her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [THIS IS A GAYS ONLY EVENT 9:13 am]
> 
> lesbian supreme: my wrist keeps popping 
> 
> eddie’s baby: pop n lock 
> 
> eddie’s baby: its trying to communicate 
> 
> lesbian supreme: it told me im gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEW CHAPTER YYYAYYYYYY THANK U FOR ALL UR FEEDBACK PLS LET ME KNOW WHAT U THINK
> 
> also slight richie angst!!! 
> 
> The Sweet Man: bill  
eddie's baby: richie  
papa michael: mike  
(wheeze): eddie  
lesbian supreme: bev  
ben 10: ben  
chaotic neutral: stan

[THIS IS A GAYS ONLY EVENT 9:13 am]

lesbian supreme: my wrist keeps popping 

eddie’s baby: pop n lock 

eddie’s baby: its trying to communicate 

lesbian supreme: it told me im gay

(wheeze): INNENEHD MY FUFJFJNG INHALER OMGHD

[my angel!! <3333 (eddie) ——> my lil babylove <3 (richie) 11:04 am]

my angel!! <3333: richie 

my lil babylove <3: yes my darling 

my angel!! <3333: why in the FUCK did u add the monster high theme song to our playlist 

my lil babylove <3: bc its a fucking jam??

my angel!! <3333: …...fair enuf

[THIS IS A GAYS ONLY EVENT 12:56 pm]

The Sweet Man: i accidentally made eye contact with a kid in my bio class while he was chugging a gallon of grape juice and i don’t think i will ever be the same 

The Sweet Man: that kid was richie

eddie’s baby: how else do u drink grape juice????

The Sweet Man: OUT OF A CUP AN D NOT A FUCKCKING JUG

eddie’s baby: thats boring 

lesbian supreme: u carried around a gallon of grape juice all day

eddie’s baby: i will not apologize for being cooler than u 

[THIS IS A GAYS ONLY EVENT 2:13 pm]

(wheeze): I HAVE THE GODDAMN MONSTER HIGH THEME SONG STUCK IN MY FHCKING HEAD

eddie’s baby: my work here is done

[THIS IS A GAYS ONLY EVENT 3:48 pm]

papa michael: ok so 

papa michael: i may hav tripped belch

chaotic neutral: You what.

papa michael: he pushed ben so i pushed a chair out and he fell over it 

papa michael: whoops 

The Sweet Man: KARMA IS A BITCH AND I LOVE HER

lesbian supreme: karma is a bitch and her name is mike hanlon

[richie rich! :) (richie) ---> handsome haystack :D (ben) 2:39 am]

richie rich!: am i useless

handsome haystack: what?

richie rich: do u think im useless 

handsome haystack: rich where is this coming from 

richie rich: jsut

richie rich: please answer

handsome haystack: richie tozier ur one of the most amazing people ive ever met i dont think youre useless. i never have and i never will. 

richie rich: thats a pretty big promise benji

handsome haystack: and im not afraid it to make it. i love you richie, i really really love you

richie rich: awww dont go getting all soft on me haystack

richie rich: but thank you 

richie rich: i love you

handsome haystack: is everything alright 

richie rich: just a little dispute w old maggie tozier it’s nothing im not used to 

richie rich: sorry to wake u

handsome haystack: i wasnt sleeping its alright and even if i was, u being upset is way more important 

richie rich: rlly im sorry its no big deal idk why i bothered u its fucking whatever ya know im all good now u can get ur beauty rest benny boy thanks for listening to me bitching 

handsome haystack: of course, goodnight rich <3

[task force gay 3:07 am]  
[benjamin button renamed the chat ‘richie tozier deserves better’]

benjamin button: we r gonna throw this trashmouth the best fucking birthday picnic in all of derry


	10. 2 legit 2 quit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> my lil babylove <3: did u get,,,,the stuff 
> 
> my angel!! <3333: u mean the pizza rolls?? yea open the door you dork
> 
> my lil babylove <3: heading down now!!
> 
> my angel!! <3333: richie
> 
> my angel!! <3333: did u just fall down the fucking stairs
> 
> my lil babylove <3: u will speak nothing of this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEW CHAPTER ALREADY??? yup im just pumping them out and avoiding my asl homework!! thank u sm for all ur support please lemme know what u think!!
> 
> eddie's baby: richie  
The Sweet Man: bill  
papa michael: mike  
chaotic neutral: stanley  
lesbian supreme: beverly  
ben 10: ben  
(wheeze): eddie

[THIS IS A GAYS ONLY EVENT 11:06 am]

eddie’s baby: oh fuck

eddie’s baby: forgot 2 go 2 school

eddie’s baby: guess im 2 cool 

eddie’s baby: 2 legit 2 quit

chaotic neutral: I’m going 2 break your ankles.

eddie’s baby: thats hot

chaotic neutral: Suddenly, I can’t read.

eddie’s baby: were u ever able 2 read in the first place???

chaotic neutral: A fair point. 

[my lil babylove <3 (richie) ---> my angel!! <3333 (eddie) 11:14 am]

my lil babylove <3: eds baby im so so so so so so sorry

my angel!! <3333: for what??

my lil babylove <3: i didnt mean to sleep in im rlly sorry i swear i waasnt skipping i was just rlly tired and i feel rlly bad i didnt tell u

my angel!! <3333: chee

my angel!! <3333: easy sugar, its ok im not mad 

my lil babylove <3: ur not?

my angel!! <3333: im glad u slept in u lit rally never get enough sleep

my angel!! <3333: id never get mad at u for smth like this baby its ok youre ok i was a little worried but thats alright, its all ok babydoll 

my lil babylove <3: eddie darling 

my lil babylove <3: love of my life

my angel!! <3333: richie sweetheart

my angel!! <3333: pain in my ass

my lil babylove <3: have i ever told u how much i love you??

my angel!! <3333: only every single day since we were 5

my angel!! <3333: but i dont mind hearing it again

my lil babylove <3: ur ego is getting too big from all my compliments 

my lil babylove <3: almsot as big as this dick

my angel!! <3333: my ego is WAY bigger than ur dick 

my angel!! <3333: do u want me to come over later?? i can bring pizza rolls and we can play smash bros??

my lil babylove <3: im gonna marry you so hard one day

my lil babylove <3: i will clean my room just 4 u babe

my angel!! <3333: im so honored 

my angel!!: i will be over at 3 sugar i love you

my lil babylove <3: i love you!!!!!!!! see u then ;)

[richie tozier deserves better 11:23 am]

shortstack: baby thought id get mad at him for not going to school :(

big mama: my fucking angel whats going on w him 

benjamin button: his mom and him got into smth last night and ig she said smth abt him being useless??

stanny manny: That fucking bitch. 

mike n ike: thats clown behavior 

genius: hes been so down lately 

big mama: it breaks my fucking heart

shortstack: im going over there at like 3 to cheer him up do u guys wanna meet up in my study hall next period and plan the picnic??

mike n ike: im there

benjamin button: ms evans room right?

genius: si

big mama: im grabbing shit from the vending machine rn do yall want anything

stanny manny: One of those honeybun things, please.

big mama: 1 honeybun for my honeybun ;)

genius: i would be mad but stan rlly do hav honeybun energy 

shortstack: see u bitches in room 203

[my girl!! (bev) ----> best boy (richie)]

my girl!!: richie baby

my girl!!: i got nothing 2 do tmrw night do u wanna come over?? i was thinking we could watch teen beach movie and do our nails?

best boy: an offer i could never refuse!! is it ok w ur aunt??

my girl!!: she fucking loves u rich 

best boy: thanks bevvy i rlly need to get outta the house

my girl!!: is it bad bubba?

best boy: just a lil cabin fever ms marsh nothing i cant handle!

my girl!!: well get ur dancing shoes on tozier bc we are practicing the cruisin for a bruisin dance again

best boy: derry better look out B)

[my angel!! <3333 (eddie) ----> my lil babylove <3 (richie) 3:08 pm]

my angel!! <3333: LET ME IN

my angel!! <3333: LET ME INNNNNNN

my lil babylove <3: IM NOT WEAIRING PANTS GIVE ME A SEC

my angel!! <3333: thats never stopped u before ;)

my lil babylove <3: kaspbrak gets off on a good one! 

my lil babylove <3: did u get,,,,the stuff 

my angel!! <3333: u mean the pizza rolls?? yea open the door you dork

my lil babylove <3: heading down now!!

my angel!! <3333: richie

my angel!! <3333: did u just fall down the fucking stairs

my lil babylove <3: u will speak nothing of this


	11. cops don’t like garlic bread

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> papa michael: who doesnt love garlic bread??
> 
> eddie’s baby: cops probably
> 
> eddie’s baby: if u offer someone garlic bread and they say no theyre an undercover cop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM BACK!!! also happy birthday to me!! hope u guys like this :) sorry it’s so short

[Billy <3 (Bill) ----> perfection itself <33 (Stan) 4:07 pm]

Billy <3: stan

Billy <3: stanny 

Billy <3: baby

Billy <3: angel

Billy <3: candy cane

perfection itself <33: …...Candy…..Cane

Billy <3: yes

Billy <3: my candy cane

perfection itself <33: Part of me wants to delete your contact.

Billy <3: and the other part wants 2 come over and play uno w me georgie and mike right???

perfection itself <33: Fine, but only because I love Mike and Georgie and I want a goddamn kiss. 

Billy <3: ur so sweet ;) see u at 5 candy cane!!!

perfection itself <33: See you, my love. <3

[THIS IS A GAYS ONLY EVENT 4:23 pm]

ben 10: god i would kill 4 garlic bread rn

ben 10: i luv garlic bread

papa michael: who doesnt love garlic bread??

eddie’s baby: cops probably

eddie’s baby: if u offer someone garlic bread and they say no theyre an undercover cop 

chaotic neutral: Richie spitting facts, no cap.

lesbian supreme: stan why r u becoming a hypebeast

The Sweet Man: hes been spending too much time w mike

(wheeze): FUCKDLUJ

papa michael: shut the fuck up bill ur a furry u probably have a deviant art account

The Sweet Man: ur alarm probably says rise and grind with a fire emoji 

chaotic neutral: You are literally sitting across from each other. 

ben 10: im making garlic bread does anybody wanna come over

(wheeze): i would but my moms making me watch hercules w her :/

lesbian supreme: wtf eddie

(wheeze): shes gone wild every since she got disney plus 

eddie’s baby: hercules is a fucking wonderful movie 

lesbian supreme: ok benny me and rich will be over in 20!!!

(wheeze): richard tozier i swear u better save me some garlic bread 

eddie’s baby: use my full name and i will 

(wheeze): ugh

(wheeze): richard bailey tozier-kaspbrak

eddie’s baby: outstanding <33

ben 10: awwww 

lesbian supreme: fucking homos 

The Sweet Man: YOURE A LESBIAN 

lesbian supreme: that explains why i cant drive 

papa michael: FUCJDFIUJHV 

[THIS IS A GAYS ONLY EVENT 6:28 pm]

eddie’s baby: ok i want u guys 2 think abt this

ben 10: rich please no

(wheeze): ???

lesbian supreme: let him talk 

ben 10: NO

The Sweet Man: richie what is it

eddie’s baby: u guys know the perfume flavor sweet pea right??

(wheeze): yea what abt it

papa michael: picking up what ur putting down

chaotic neutral: Are we going to ignore the fact that he just said perfume flavor?

(wheeze); this is the same person that sprayed perfume in his mouth r u surprised

chaotic neutral: Point.

eddie’s baby: back 2 my theoryt

The Sweet Man: theoryt 

eddie’s baby: i will neuter you fuckface

lesbian supreme: carry on baby

eddie’s baby: ok have u guys ever actually seen or had a sweet pea???

papa michael: …..

lesbian supreme: …….

chaotic neutral: ……

(wheeze): …….

The Sweet Man: …..

eddie’s baby: sweet peas don’t exist they r a conspiracy made by bath and body works

ben 10: bud no


End file.
